Thank goodness. Our national nightmare is over.

Lindsay Lohan has landed a job, meaning she won’t need to refinance her mortgage into an unappealing adjustable rate home loan whose interest rate sky-rockets after a few years.

A couple months after complaining about the toll this recession is taking on her bank account, Lohan has snagged a new acting gig.

Look for her to appear – alongside Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. – in The Other Side, an independent fantasy comedy.

“It’s a wonderful cast and it’s shooting on the East Coast, which we are excited about,” Lohan’s manager/terrible mother, Dina, told People about the film.

According to Variety, the movie centers on “a grad student [Lohan] who must spend the summer working at a scientific institute on a remote island. She discovers an eccentric community of characters who are hiding a secret about a tragedy that took place many years before.”

Speaking of secret tragedies… are you really pregnant, Lindsay?

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This is actually a true story:

The police were called to Lindsay Lohan’s house last night, due to an alarm malfunction.

Once they got there, officers on the scene thought the house had been burglarized because it was so messy. An NBC affiliate reports that LAPD officer Karen Rayner asked:

“Is it normally like this, or did the intruders do it?”

We tell that story because, well, it’s hilarious. But it also speaks to the depths to which Lindsay has sunk, making Dina Lohan’s recent comments about her daughters that much more troublesome (and, well, hilarious).

The World’s Worst Mother told Life & Style that “Lindsay is a good person to have watch over Ali right now. Lindsay can show Ali the ropes. Ali’s out there working on her record and singing career.”

If “ropes” is a euphemism for drugs, alcohol and sex with random men or women, then Dina is right. Ali is in ideal hands.

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It’s been a month since she split from Samantha Ronson, which Lindsay Lohan admits was “a hard month,” but the coked-up skank is doing her best to move on personally and professionally, and tells E! that she and Ronson remain “in touch.”

“We’re friends,” the one-time actress said at the launch of her Sevin Nyne spray-tanning line in Santa Monica, Calif. “I’m doing great. I’m very happy.”

The Sevin Nyne line, named after the anorexic waif’s approximate weight Lohan and Ronson’s lucky numbers, is currently available at Sephora.

LiLo added that the two “briefly reunited” in person last week. A return to nuclear domestic fights and routine police visits can’t be too far behind!

As for how she’s getting her life back in order, LiLo says that her family, particularly cleavage-baring 15-year-old Ali Lohan, have been helpful.

“We’re a tight family,” said Lindsay, who has recently been romantically linked to Ben Holz. “We’ve been through a lot. We take care of each other.”

The struggling Crotch of Fire has also faced scrutiny over her weight lately, as she’s been setting almost daily records for amount of rib cage exposed.

While the recent onslaught of Lindsay Lohan bikini photos has given way to yet another round of concerned critics and celeb gossip blogs slamming her for being too skinny, the star defended her body, saying, “I like the way I look.”

As for her “day job,” Lohan says she is in negotiations for a film that is scheduled to start shooting in October. She would not divulge any details about the project, however, because it does not exist it has yet to be a done deal.

In other Lohan news, her ex Harry Morton gave a rare interview today, calling their relationship the worst thing of all time.

Learn more at http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com

Yesterday, Lindsay Lohan said she’s still in love with Samantha Ronson.

Earlier today, Sam changed her Facebook status from “in a relationship” to “it’s complicated” – a devastating blow in the land of Internet age love.

And now, in the latest installment of the girl-on-girl action saga that is Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson, the troubled actress is said to have logged some quality time over at her manly DJ lover’s Hollywood home yesterday afternoon.

Then, Ronson was seen driving away from Lindsay Lohan’s home at 6 a.m. Friday, E! confirms – and the police were not even called to the scene once!

The visits, captured by celebrity gossip photographers, immediately followed Ronson’s return from a vacation in Oahu with a (gay) male friend.

In the past week, the tumultuous tandem has spoken over the phone. In fact, a source says, “Sam texted Lindsay from Hawaii and said she missed her.”

On the Ellen DeGeneres Show episode yesterday, Lohan admitted to the host that she is in touch with Samantha Ronson, if only via text message.

Lohan said she wasn’t “looking to be with anyone right now” and needed to focus on her career. She also said, though, that “I really care about Samantha and we’ll see what happens. Maybe when we’re fully in the right place…”

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Facebook.

It’s like a window into one’s soul, especially when that individual is a quasi-celebrity that continues to make news for ending her relationship with one of Hollywood’s most attention-starved train wrecks.

Following a well-publicized fight with Lindsay Lohan on April 4, Samantha Ronson signed online and removed her “In a Relationship” status on the social networking website. This week, however, she changed her relationship message to “It’s Complicated.”

Of course, even if Ronson does wanna give Lindsay another chance, there’s no guarantee the out-of-work actress will take it.

“I’m not looking to be with anyone right now,” Lohan told Ellen on Thursday. “I don’t need to deal with that. It gets too distracting from everything that I need to focus on. Leaving town, you miss someone too much and you don’t want to go sometimes, but I really care about Samantha and we’ll see what happens.”

Remember, Sam: if you really want Lindsay back, the way to her heart is through her nostrils and her liver.

This big step took place comes hours after Lohan, on yesterday’s Ellen DeGeneres Show, said that the two “are talking.”

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Lindsay Lohan is unemployed and desperate for cash.

Combine those facts with Lohan’s penchant for nudity, and it seems very likely she’ll soon star alongside Melanie Brown in a topless show in Las Vegas.

Over the weekend, Lohan flew to Sin City to meet with Jerry Mitchell, the director of PEEPSHOW, a stage production that features a scantily-clad Brown and Kelly Monaco.

According to the fair and balanced reporting of Fox News, the show is designed to have rotating leads; which would back up the rumor that Lohan is in negotiations to take over from Monaco when she returns to work on General Hospital.

“I think she would be great in the show,” said Mitchell. “I would need to meet with her and dance a bit as I would with anyone who would love to be a part of Peepshow.”

What is Lindsay’s supposed response to the offer?

“If they make me an offer, and the money’s right, I’ll do it.”

Man. How many pizza delivery boys do you think have heard those words?

Learn more at http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com

Surprisingly, Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan have remained broken up for days now.

Unsurprisingly, the pair is reacting to the relationship’s demise in different ways.

Ronson is laying low, as a source close to the DJ told People: “She is over Lindsay and over all the drama, but still, she refuses to trash talk her. She just wants to walk away gracefully.”

Lohan, conversely, just wants to walk everywhere drunkenly.

Witnesses spotted the troubled actress at three clubs last night, making her Wednesday activities seem like a day at the park.

Lindsay started the evening at the Byron and Tracey Salon in Beverly Hills, where she exited with considerably redder hair.

Learn more at http://www.thehollywoodgossip.com

It’s hard being unemployed. Just ask Lindsay Lohan.

The actress, who hasn’t appeared in a movie since 2007’s I Know Who Killed Me – tells the new issue of Nylon magazine that she’s looking for a job.

“It’s scary when you realize, ‘Oh my God, I’m not working. I have a house to pay for now, and there’s been some things I’ve really wanted to do.”

“Like the one movie I’ve wanted to do for so long is Alice in Wonderland [directed by Tim Burton], but, um, that didn’t work out … it is what it is.”

The 22-year-old, who at least got a gig as the face of Fornaria, whatever the hell that is, continued, “[Producers said] ‘You’re not right for the part, and that’s it.’ That’s how I like to hear it, honestly… I can take it, I’m a big girl.”

“Obviously, you don’t want me,” lamented Lohan, who passes her time getting served with arrest warrants and engaging in huge fights with Samantha Ronson. I don’t want to do something that somebody doesn’t want me to be involved in.”

Just call her the face of the recession, much like Aubrey O’Day.

In her interview with the magazine, Lohan also takes a dig at Britney Spears, who’s currently touring the country promoting her No. 1 album, Circus.

“She’s marketed as an entertainer, which is what she is. Not necessarily as an artist. And I respect that about her, cause she doesn’t want to pretend.”

Okay then. Lindsay is also willing to accept work as a model, if anyone is interested, “I love photo shoots… I mean, if I could just sign with IMG and do ad campaigns and model more, I’d do that… that’s fun for me. That’s not work.”

Yea, right, it is  fun for her considering the fact that she is so “famous”! Well consider yourself up to date on the thoughts of one of America’s unemployed talents. Scroll down for more images of the unemployed Lindsay Lohan below in Nylon…

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Lindsay Lohan is about to die, on screen, at least.

The promiscuous actress has been cast as the lead female role in the upcoming remake of A Nightmare On Elm Street.

“We were lucky to receive a call from Jason Weinberg, Lindsay’s manager,” producer Andrew Form.  ”He called to tell us that Lindsay was very interested in the film and wanted to be a part of it. We called Jason back after Wesley Strick finished the script . Lindsay looked over the draft thought this was the perfect thing for her.”

Considering the fate of most individuals that come into contact with the movie’s iconic villain, Freddie Krueger, it’s the perfect thing for anyone that’s been hoping Lohan’s head gets chopped off as well.

“I couldn’t imagine having a better actress for the part,” Form said.

Yeah, no one else can imagine Lindsay having her head chopped off. It will be a real thriller.

Amid rumors of bad behavior on the set and having her number of appearances cut from six to four, Lindsay Lohan shined on last night’s episode of Ugly Betty.

Reprising her role as Kimmie Keegan – who used to torment Betty Suarez (America Ferrera) in high school and now works with her at Mode – Lindsay found herself in familiar territory: acting like a diva in the celebrity gossip spotlight.

What’s new is that she cannot even keep her job in real life and got fired from the Ugly Betty set. Pity, she really needs to get herself sorted out.

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